I used to, only a few years ago, be a person who did not know how to let go of my past, specifically, pains from my past. I would think about them, ruminate about them and waste a lot of my emotional energy, not to mention, precious time dwelling and re-experiencing the bad moments.
I used to feel frustrated and angry with people who would listen to my complaints and say, “let it go. You need to learn to let go.” I felt it invalidated what happened to me and even if I wanted to just let it go, I just couldn’t figure out how.
Yesterday, I saw a woman that I admire post something on social media about the benefit of letting go, and the responses to her post were heartbreaking. A response went up immediately that said, “how?” and then other posts responding with, “yes, I want to know that too.” I could feel the pain from them, their wish to feel better, to stop living in their painful past.
I will share with you in this blog the powerful and effective way that I let go and if you follow them, like me you will not only let go of your pain from your past but will live in your present moment that is far more powerful than you had even imagined that you ever could.
The following steps are how you let go in the most long-lasting and authentic way.
First, come to understand and know that the person who caused you pain did not know what they were doing.
The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote in his diary to himself, to remember every morning that people in his life will mass up, hurt him, backstab him, be jealous of him, to cheat him, all of it. Then the next thing he tells himself is to remember that he is connected to every one of those people in the oneness of the human race. He tells himself that all those who make those mistakes do not know what they are doing so what he has to do is to love them regardless.
If you think about the fact that this emperor, who could have just judged those people and punished them, instead he opted to think of them in ways that would allow him to love them instead and to realize that we are all part of one another.
Doing this will grow your heart and wisdom which means who you become a person that lets things go with ease more and more every day.
Next, meditating on what Marcus Aurelius said to himself, move beyond self-focus and focus on the bigger picture of the Universe. Take the role of a problem solver and a creator, a participant in making our world work instead of being a victim in any and all circumstances.
When you practice this way of being, you began to grow and stretch in ways that you had never known that you could.
Next, create an environment that will nurture your letting go habit
Begin meditating at least once a day for 15 minutes
Mindfully take good and loving care of yourself daily
Do a gratitude list every day first thing in the morning and the last thing at night
Daily enjoy watching the powerful positive changes that begin to take place in your emotional life.
Are you miserable and depressed because your ex is rejecting your wish to get back together? No matter what you say or do, he or she refuses to get back together with you. In fact, the harder you work to get back together with them they seem to be running further away. You are feeling desperate, hurt and rejected. You are at your wit’s end and you don’t know what to do. In this blog I’m going to share with you just how to overcome what is going on so that you can get your life back and finally have a real sense of peace.
Do you want to be happy? Of course you do. Everyone tells you the same thing; leave your ex alone, don’t contact them anymore, just move on, find someone new. No matter how much you want to listen to them, all you find yourself doing is thinking about how much you want your ex back and feel the pain of rejection and your ability to leave him or her diminishes as you find yourself sending them those unwanted phone calls and messages. You feel so disappointed with yourself for having failed, but you cannot stop thinking about how hurt you are about the fact that you are not with that person that you want so much.
Every minute passes by you feel worse and worse and you fear you will never get over your ex. You are feeling as if you will never stop feeling the pain of their rejection of you. I am here to tell you that you can stop feeling that pain. I am certain that you can and you will if you follow the steps that I will go over with you here.
Would you like to know how you can successfully move on, just like the way you wish that you could? Would you like to get over your ex once and for all? Would you like to get control back and feel sense of peace about your life. Would you like to stop feeling the pain that is so excruciating and makes you feel like you are coming out of your skin?
Follow me, read on and I will show you just what to do so that not only will you get a handle on this, but you will know how to find the truest of love for yourself once and for all. You will no longer be consumed with loneliness but feel alive perhaps in ways that you had never known before.
Let’s go over what is actually happening with you and to you right now.
The reason why you are having a hard time letting your ex go even though they have made it clear that they do not want to be back together is because you are wanting your ex to stop the pain of rejection that you are feeling. You are thinking that as soon as they are back in your life the pain will stop.
What you are not seeing is that the very thing, the pain of rejection that you feel and are having a difficult time letting go, in the intensity of how you are unable to let them go, that very aspect of you is not about your ex, but something that desperately needs attention and healing.
There is an emptiness inside you that even if your ex had come back would still exist and would play out in that relationship, and in other relationships.
The reason why you are having a hard time letting go is not related to your love for him or her even though you likely feel like it is. You are having a hard time letting go because what his or her leaving symbolizes to you, and that symbol is your worthiness. You are thinking that his or her love or desire to be with you means that you are worthy and if they leave that means you must not be worthy of love and since you want to be worthy of love, you want that person to stay and help you know that you are worthy of love.
The truth is that when you don’t have the knowing of your own worth, you become reliant on someone else to prove your worthiness of love but that is never truly satisfying and ever-elusive because unless they are in front of you giving you the answer that you are worthy of love, you will always need that feedback making you a needy person and not a whole person.
On the other hand, when you know your worthiness of love on your own, then you are a whole person, emotionally self-reliant and can enjoy another person in your own independent terms.
How do you learn about your worthiness of love, you ask? Well, let me tell you. You first start by regularly practicing loving yourself. How would you take care of a child that you love? How would you show that child that you love her? What would you do for that child that you love? Those are just some of the things that you start doing.
Doing this self-work takes a little time, but aren’t you worth the investment of your time so that you can be happy permanently? If you agree, let’s move forward on your path to true and permanent happiness.
To begin this process the right way, begin taking good and mindful care of your body: eat well, exercise and give your body a good rest. That’s what you would do for a child that you love. You then practice saying you love you but with feelings of love the way you would say to a child that you love. Finally, you would do special things for yourself, as you would for the child that you love: what makes you laugh, what do you enjoy? What do you love? What makes you feel happy? What makes you feel inspired? What touches your heart? What makes you feel relaxed? What gives you feeling of peace? Do things that make you feel those things and more.
Next, you practice self-acceptance. I actually tell my students to “radically” accept yourself. What I have my students and clients do is to make a list of the things that you really don’t like about yourself, that you cannot change and do exercises where you actually come to adore those aspects of you that you have been critical of until now.
Then the next thing is to practice self-compassion any time that you get a chance: when you make a mistake or had done something wrong, practice compassion instead of being critical or harsh. When you begin to give yourself self-compassion about those things that you had been harsh with yourself on in the past, you are powerful loving yourself.
When you follow these steps of taking good care of yourself, adoring your flaws and being compassionate with yourself, you began to truly fall in love with you. It is interesting how we do things for those we love and when we do them we fall deeper in love with them. This is what you must do now and fall in love with yourself and discover that you are worthy of love and that’s when you find your true love, you.
When you find true love in yourself, that’s when you are truly ready to find true love in another person.
