Your narcissist ex has left you for someone new. Even though you were miserable with your ex, you are feeling hurt beyond measure.  You gave all you had. You did everything that they asked of you. You gave up so much for them while they gave up nothing. You are humiliated and feel discarded as if you meant nothing to them.  You feel like nothing. You feel completely and utterly worthless. You simply feel as if you have nothing to hold onto. You don’t even know how to or where to start to feel ok. You are in incredible pain. You desperately want to feel free of this pain. 

I am here to tell you that not only can you get free of that pain and move on, but you can do far better.  You can come out a winner of your own life. You can find the happiness that you had always wanted. You will look back at this very moment and thank the Universe for landing you here, in this very situation because you will see that this was a very pivotal moment where you truly begin to find the amazing person that is you, the very you that you never really knew.  You will find that person, that you, because of what is happening to you right now.

Let’s first annihilate the mistaken notion that you are holding onto in your mind, the very reason why you are feeling so badly, and see if you still want to allow yourself to be fooled into misery.  I think you will say a big NO!

The reason why you are feeling bad about the new person, why you are feeling jealous, is because of the meaning that you are putting on the whole situation.

1. You are imagining that this person is the most perfect-in-every way.  Ask yourself, is there such a thing as a perfect human being? The answer is “NO”.  There is no such a person as the perfect in every way person that you are imagining your ex’s new person to be.

2. Since you are thinking that he or she is a perfect-in-every way person, you are also thinking that somehow you are less than that person and that must be why your narcissist ex left you for that person. The FACT is that you have no idea who this person is or the quality of that person so you can not judge them to be better than you.  The FACT is that no one, I mean, no one, is ever better than anyone else. Your imagination that you are less than that person in some way is just your imagination based on NO FACT. How much longer would you like to hold onto a false belief that only makes you miserable?

3. You might be thinking that somehow, it was your fault.  Let’s think about this imagination. Did your narcissist ex do things that hurt you?  Was your narcissist ex abusive and controlling? Did your narcissist ex throw temper tantrums for no reason whatsoever?  Was your narcissist in general unreasonable? Did your narcissist ex love you like a grown person loves another? The answer to those questions are, resounding, “No” and you and I both know that soon enough that nature of your narcissist ex will emerge with the new person.  And that new person will become confused and unhappy just like you were.  

4. Another reason why you feel bad is that you are thinking that somehow, there was something that was lacking in you, why your narcissist ex left you for someone else.  Let’s tackle this one. Your narcissist ex never saw you. That person never got to know who you really are. That person does not know how to see anyone in any worthwhile depth because that person, your narcissist ex, has no empathetic curiosity to get to know anyone, ever.  They have interest only in themselves so they never could have rejected who you are. They never accepted who you are by never really knowing you are and they never really know anyone other than at a surface level of their own judgment. So really they did not reject you. They cannot reject what they do not know.

In short of it all, their moving on to someone else has absolutely no meaning.  Their mirage of loving acts had no meaning as they have no meaning for the new person.  Their words, all of them, had no meaning. Who they are, have no meaning. In essence, you were in love with a mirage, a fake, a person who pretends to be someone because really they are no one of any value.  They are of no value because they value no one. That means, you lost nothing.

But you have gained.  Them letting you go free is the biggest gain you could have had at this juncture of your life.  You now can create whatever it is that you want to create with your life without someone draining the life out of you.  Your narcissist ex would not have ever allowed you to fully bloom. Now, you are free to bloom. Your narcissist ex, if they had stayed with you for the rest of your life, would have drained everything that is you, would destroy anything that you could have or would want to create with your life.  Now you are free to do any and all things. Now you are free to think and believe any and all things. Now you are free to speak or gesture, or smile, or talk, or dance, or do whatever it is that you deem that you want to do without someone, your narcissist ex, critiquing your every single movement through life.

You are free.  Now go be the amazing person that you were born to be!