how to be successful

If you’ve been abused as a child…

| Nancy

I was abused as a child like you were.  Based on that experience, I wasted much too much of my precious time suffering my past and not living to my fullest.  Following is an excerpt from my book, Happiness Formula.

“You don’t have to lose any more of your time. You can heal and be happy. You too, can heal and change your life, your heart, and everything else that is important to you. You can do, be, and have what you want in your life by seeing and knowing and shifting how you see things in your life.

You don’t have to struggle with feelings of inadequacy. You don’t have to give up on yourself anymore. You don’t have to. You are not stuck with the current conditions of your life. You don’t have to put up with your lack: lack of self-belief, lack of self-confidence, lack of self-love, lack of self-faith, lack of self-esteem, lack of self-knowing, and lack of success in all areas of your life.

You can change and heal your life in ways that you have never imagined.

Just because you were abused, if you were, it does not mean you have to live less than an optimally successful life. Just because you might have been given less than some doesn’t mean that you need to be stuck with a lack of anything in the present moment or in your future. Just because you were told all those negative things, does not mean you are those things. In fact, because of all of those things, you can create someone extraordinary out of yourself and something extraordinary out of your life.“

I have emotional strengths and empathy that culminates into creative spirit that I am incredibly thankful to have. Without all that I have had to do and still do, I not only would not have those creative and empathetic aspects of myself but to be the person that I like and love.  Without those things that I have had to fight and heal from, I would not be the person that I am today.

Before you quit, read this!

| Nancy

Before you quit something that you have been working on with your heart and soul, read this blog.

Have you heard of a term, “second wind’?  If you have just read along.  If you have not, read along anyway.  You won’t regret it.

I ran cross country during high school.

My coach Vincent used to educate us, well beyond just coaching us to be faster and stronger. I used to love that. One of the things he used to talk to us about in his kind voice was about the “second wind.”  Second wind is when a runner is all tapped out of energy from the race, and often when he or she feels like they have nothing left in them, a surge of new energy emerges so that they could finish the race that they began.

I had forgotten about it until the other day when I was working out on my treadmill.  I had not slept very well for a few days due to stressful events, not to mention not having eaten too many calories.

At one point, I thought that I had no choice but to stop because I had nothing more left in my body to continue.  I just really wanted to stop.  It was becoming almost unbearable how tired, lack of fuel, and energy I had to keep moving forward.

I was going to stop, but then I saw the number on my distance gauge, and I decided to go till at least a two-mile mark.  

The funny thing is that before I reached the number, I got a surge of energy.  I felt complete restoration of my strength and stamina, and I was able to go another 4 miles completing my daily goal of 6.2 miles/10k.

I was so happy to reach my goal, but also it made me think about how life goals also work the same way.

Often when we are completely drained of efforts that we have put into what we are working on when we feel completely tapped out, it is those of us who continue moving forward that makes it to the end.

It is this aspect, the quitting when things look hard, the very thing that differentiates between the reaching of one’s goals and not reaching one’s goals.

Your choice when you are brave enough to go after a challenge, is only one, to keep going because to quit is not to live your full life. 

Reaching your potential is that important.

No one can know and no one can tell you if what you are trying to do will give you the fruit that you want.  You have just to keep moving toward it because you are the one that has been assigned this assignment, and you have to keep moving till you get there.

Of course, you can and must pivot, learn, and adapt along the way but all of those pivoting, learning, and adopting must be for moving your project to its end to the success of what you are accomplishing.  

In the end, it is the person who remains in the race that wins.

In life, you are in this race against yourself.  You win or you lose, it is up to you.

How to be happy and successful after narcissistic abuse

| Nancy

Making life work well depends hugely on where we place our focus.  Healing and becoming happy also depends hugely on where we place our focus.  A simple idea, focus on what you have the power to control instead of focusing on what you have no power to control.

If you apply that principle to becoming happy after an abusive relationship is over, the following are things that you have no control over and you need to stop focusing on them.

  • Trying to understand your abuser
  • Thinking why they did what they did to you
  • Trying to figure out how long the pain will last
  • Thinking and wondering about what your ex is doing
  • Trying to figure out why your ex narcissist is doing anything at all with their lives.

What to focus on if you want to be move on, heal and be truly happy

  • Think about and take action on good self-care routine to be loving to yourself
  • Think about what areas of your life you need to grow so you do not get into an abusive relationship again 
  • Think about what brings you joy and do them
  • Think about what you need to do so that you can meet your true potential in your life
  • Think about the ways that you can learn and practice unconditional self-compassion
  • Think about the ways that you can learn and practice unconditional self-acceptance