How to be happy

If you’ve been abused as a child…

| Nancy

I was abused as a child like you were.  Based on that experience, I wasted much too much of my precious time suffering my past and not living to my fullest.  Following is an excerpt from my book, Happiness Formula.

“You don’t have to lose any more of your time. You can heal and be happy. You too, can heal and change your life, your heart, and everything else that is important to you. You can do, be, and have what you want in your life by seeing and knowing and shifting how you see things in your life.

You don’t have to struggle with feelings of inadequacy. You don’t have to give up on yourself anymore. You don’t have to. You are not stuck with the current conditions of your life. You don’t have to put up with your lack: lack of self-belief, lack of self-confidence, lack of self-love, lack of self-faith, lack of self-esteem, lack of self-knowing, and lack of success in all areas of your life.

You can change and heal your life in ways that you have never imagined.

Just because you were abused, if you were, it does not mean you have to live less than an optimally successful life. Just because you might have been given less than some doesn’t mean that you need to be stuck with a lack of anything in the present moment or in your future. Just because you were told all those negative things, does not mean you are those things. In fact, because of all of those things, you can create someone extraordinary out of yourself and something extraordinary out of your life.“

I have emotional strengths and empathy that culminates into creative spirit that I am incredibly thankful to have. Without all that I have had to do and still do, I not only would not have those creative and empathetic aspects of myself but to be the person that I like and love.  Without those things that I have had to fight and heal from, I would not be the person that I am today.

How to let go of the past

| Nancy

I used to, only a few years ago, be a person who did not know how to let go of my past, specifically, pains from my past.  I would think about them, ruminate about them and waste a lot of my emotional energy, not to mention, precious time dwelling and re-experiencing the bad moments.

I used to feel frustrated and angry with people who would listen to my complaints and say, “let it go.  You need to learn to let go.”  I felt it invalidated what happened to me and even if I wanted to just let it go, I just couldn’t figure out how.

Yesterday, I saw a woman that I admire post something on social media about the benefit of letting go, and the responses to her post were heartbreaking.  A response went up immediately that said, “how?”  and then other posts responding with, “yes, I want to know that too.”  I could feel the pain from them, their wish to feel better, to stop living in their painful past.

I will share with you in this blog the powerful and effective way that I let go and if you follow them, like me you will not only let go of your pain from your past but will live in your present moment that is far more powerful than you had even imagined that you ever could.

The following steps are how you let go in the most long-lasting and authentic way.

First, come to understand and know that the person who caused you pain did not know what they were doing.

The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote in his diary to himself, to remember every morning that people in his life will mass up, hurt him, backstab him, be jealous of him, to cheat him, all of it.  Then the next thing he tells himself is to remember that he is connected to every one of those people in the oneness of the human race.  He tells himself that all those who make those mistakes do not know what they are doing so what he has to do is to love them regardless.

If you think about the fact that this emperor, who could have just judged those people and punished them, instead he opted to think of them in ways that would allow him to love them instead and to realize that we are all part of one another.

Doing this will grow your heart and wisdom which means who you become a person that lets things go with ease more and more every day.

Next, meditating on what Marcus Aurelius said to himself, move beyond self-focus and focus on the bigger picture of the Universe.  Take the role of a problem solver and a creator, a participant in making our world work instead of being a victim in any and all circumstances.

When you practice this way of being, you began to grow and stretch in ways that you had never known that you could.

Next, create an environment that will nurture your letting go habit

  • Begin meditating at least once a day for 15 minutes
  • Mindfully take good and loving care of yourself daily
  • Do a gratitude list every day first thing in the morning and the last thing at night

Daily enjoy watching the powerful positive changes that begin to take place in your emotional life.

Enjoy the video below for more information:

How to fight depression

| Nancy

Martin Seligman, the author of “Flourish” tells us that there are three things missing in the mind of a depressed person, the very three things that are commonly in the minds of people who are happy. The three things are 1) doing something that brings you joy, 2) doing something that makes you experience engagement, and 3) doing something that gives you meaning.

How to be happy and successful after narcissistic abuse

| Nancy

Making life work well depends hugely on where we place our focus.  Healing and becoming happy also depends hugely on where we place our focus.  A simple idea, focus on what you have the power to control instead of focusing on what you have no power to control.

If you apply that principle to becoming happy after an abusive relationship is over, the following are things that you have no control over and you need to stop focusing on them.

  • Trying to understand your abuser
  • Thinking why they did what they did to you
  • Trying to figure out how long the pain will last
  • Thinking and wondering about what your ex is doing
  • Trying to figure out why your ex narcissist is doing anything at all with their lives.

What to focus on if you want to be move on, heal and be truly happy

  • Think about and take action on good self-care routine to be loving to yourself
  • Think about what areas of your life you need to grow so you do not get into an abusive relationship again 
  • Think about what brings you joy and do them
  • Think about what you need to do so that you can meet your true potential in your life
  • Think about the ways that you can learn and practice unconditional self-compassion
  • Think about the ways that you can learn and practice unconditional self-acceptance