It is crucial to know the cause, the correct cause of a problem, any problem if you desire to solve and resolve it truly.

It is, of course, true that you want to resolve your problems.  Everyone wants that. 

It is also true that we often focus our attention on the wrong area of the problems as it then continues to persist.  We focus on the symptoms, the reactions to the symptoms, and the results of them.

We desperately want the symptoms and reactions to the symptoms to go away.  We try and try to make them disappear to no avail. We then give up or give in to the idea that we are going to just have to live with them, the problems.

Giving up and giving in then puts us on a path to a victim mindset, depressions, anxiety, failure leading to unhappiness.

No!  This is not for us.  This is not for you.  You know this, and that is why you are reading this.

Onward!

Where was I?  Oh, yes, we are talking about the importance of focusing on the right area of a problem if we want to correctly and virtually eliminate the problem.  

The right area to focus your attention on to get rid of a problem is to focus on figuring out the cause of the problem.

It sounds simple, and it is simple.

What’s exciting about tackling the cause is that the very cause of your current problem or pain has been and will continue to affect many other areas of your life powerfully.  And as you discover that, you will be even more glad that you tackled the cause of your problem.

So there are more than enough reasons to truly find the true cause and attack them to rid your life of things and conditions that you do not like or may even hate in your life.

The causes of loneliness in your life are very likely causing other problems in your life as well.  You have more than one good reasons to tackle the cause of the loneliness that is causing unhappiness in your life.

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It is a common belief that human beings are hardwired to connect.  That appears to be true.

We human beings indeed find joy in deep connection with other human beings. It is one of the most influential and beautiful things, human connections.  Human relationships can inspire, create, and heal most amazingly and beautifully.

It is, however, not true that being alone is the primary cause of loneliness.  It is an association(correlation), not causation.

Being alone can cause you to feel lonely if you have been alone for an excessive amount of time. In those cases, the simple solution is to put yourself in a situation where you are with people or around people, and doing that is not difficult.  Just put yourself in a social situation. 

Most of the time, however, loneliness is not caused by being alone.  If you are lonely because you have spent too much time alone, yet have refused to do something about it, ask yourself the question, why have you not done something about spending time with others?

When you see the answer to that question, you begin to see some of the potential causes.  Some of your answers might be: 

• Insecurity
• Not feeling wanted
• You do not feel that people will like you.
• Depression
• You are bothered by the imperfections of others.   

If you choose to be alone because it makes you happy, then you are not lonely in the first place.

If you have spent too long a time alone and feel that you are powerless to change it, that powerlessness itself indicates a problem of perception and not a true representation of how things exist in your life.

Much of the time, the cause of the loneliness is something other than being alone. You think that being alone causes feelings of loneliness because when you are alone, the feelings you have been distracted from resurface.  Those feelings show up in front of you when the disappearance of the distractions of other people’s presence unearth the emotional pains you had.

Some Buddist monks spend most of their time alone in meditation and do not experience loneliness. They are joyful and ready to be useful to the world when they keep their meditation practice going.

As we can find true joy in connecting and sharing with other human beings, it is also just as true that we can find joy and connecting while not being in the presence of other human beings.

Loneliness cannot be caused by being alone.

Trying to stop loneliness by surrounding yourself with people only deepens the problem because it is avoided and masked by temporary solutions.

It’s like having a cut and giving yourself novocaine shots to not feel the pain while ignoring the cut wound that needs stitching and medicine and cleaning to get rid of germs and to heal the wound.

If you don’t heal the cause of your pain, physical, emotional, and even spiritual, your injury can become a bigger problem in your future. They most often do.

There is every reason to look for and find the real cause of any and all problems.

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Following are the core things that are causing the deep loneliness inside you.

1) You feel unlovable

• Because you believe that you are not lovable, you will always be ready and vigilant for signs and warnings that confirm your belief.  You see them everywhere, even if they are not true.  And because you see them everywhere and believe you always get rejected, you create and produce those situations.  You remove yourself prematurely, or you will cause others to reject you by dismissing them. You are likely acting negatively or not even giving anyone a chance to leave you or love you by avoiding social situations that will offer you a chance to experience rejection and miss out on love and connection.

2) You feel not good enough, and you are not enough

• You believe something is lacking about you  
• You always feel less than others, no matter who they are.  You look for ways that they are better than you or you are less than them.  You compare yourself unrealistically and unfairly, where you always end up with an answer in your mind that they are better than you. 
• In your mind, you are a loser.
• Nothing that you do is good enough.
• You don’t feel that you deserve to belong anywhere.  

3 You are disconnected

• You are not genuinely in touch with yourself.  You are in the habit of ignoring your needs, wants, and wellbeing.
• You do not feel genuine connections to people in your life. You don’t connect emotionally with others in ways that are emotionally satisfying.
• You do not feel spiritually disconnected.  Whatever your spiritual beliefs are, you are feeling unhelped, uncared for, and unsupported.

4 You have a negative mindset

• Victim mindset
  • You feel like everything goes wrong for you.
  • You feel like everyone is against you.
  • You feel like life is against you.
  • You often wonder, “Why me? Why is this happening to me? ”
  • You feel like the Universe is against you.
  • You could feel like you are doomed.
  • You could feel like you are stuck.
  • You could feel like life is hard.
  • You could feel hopeless.
  • You could feel like a victim of life and victim, period.
  • You could feel like life is not in your control and often experience depression.
  • You could feel like you just want to escape those feelings and decide to use alcohol or other substances to feel better.  These substances then change the physical chemistry that can put you deeper into bad moods and depressions.
  • When you have a victim mindset, you become self-focused.  It is truly a lonely existence, even if you don’t know that you are.
• Bully mindset
  • You feel like everything will go wrong for you unless you bully to get what you want.
  • You feel like everyone is against you, so it is ok if you hurt them.
  • You feel like life is against you, so you take what you can get.
  • You often wonder, “Why me?” even when you are the one that caused the unfavorable situation to happen.
  • You feel like the Universe is against you.
  • You could feel like you have to beat anyone and everyone so that you are not doomed.
  • You could feel like a victim unless you are on top.
  • You feel like you have to take control, so you win.
  • When you are a bully-mindset, you are self-focused.  It is truly a lonely existence, even if you don’t know that you are.
  • You feel like the only way to make good things happen for yourself is by taking what you want no matter the cost. You have to win at all costs.  There are only winners and losers in your world.

5 You are not living your purpose (doing your life’s work)

• Suppose you are not doing something that you believe in, something that calls to you, something that is meaningful to you beyond measure, something that is your way of contributing to making this world a better place. In that case, you will look for substitution in other ways that only make you feel emptier, as if you are drinking seawater to quench your thirst.  You cannot be your best self or your whole self when you are not connected to what it is that you are here to do. That empty feeling will make you feel lonely even if you are surrounded by people.

6 Not feeling whole(not your best you) 

• When you are not feeling lovable, not feeling good enough, are disconnected from your spiritual self, negative mindsets dominate your mind, and you are not living your purpose, you are not your best version of yourself.  You are not your whole self.  And in that state, you are going to be dominated by feelings of loneliness.

When you closely examine the real reasons you are feeling lonely, you can see that you can change the painful condition in your life.  You can see now that you and only you can help you free from it so that you can find your true happiness.

Next week, I will go over with you the consequence of not working to free yourself from the problem of loneliness.

Please enjoy my video on Youtube to learn more!