coronavirus

How to best deal with the loneliness after a breakup

| Nancy

How to best deal with the loneliness after a breakup – advice from a life coach.

When someone close to you is gone from your life, the loss is painful.  When a romantic partner is gone from your life, the loss can be far more intense.

Here are six things that you can do to overcome the loneliness that you are going through from a broken heart.

  1. Decide to learn about yourself and grow from this experience
    1. Carol Dweck in her book, “Mindset” talks about the people who heal powerfully versus people who remain hurt for years and years.  The ones that heal powerfully most often look inward after a breakup to see what they could learn about themselves so that they do not repeat the same mistake with their next partner.  Their goal is to heal and find happiness and they heal and find happiness.
  2. If you have a support system that you trust, share with them what you are going through
    1. Some people may lose connection with their support network while in a relationship, especially if it was a controlling or abusive one.  This is a time for you to work on reconnecting with your tribe to find yourself back again with those who truly care about you.  
    2. If you do not have a group that you trust, begin building and nurturing a tribe of your own.
  3. Have an adventure
    1. Do something that allows you to stretch your image of you.  When you take on something that you had been intimidated by, it can let you see a new dimension about you so that you can gain self-appreciation
  4. Seek out people who inspire you.
    1. Instead of drowning in self-pity that everyone can get into during this time, surround yourself with voices of people who when you are around them or listening to their talks or reading their words, elevates your aspirations to lead you to reach for self-growth.
  5. Help someone in the way that you love helping someone
    1. If you are serving soup in a soup kitchen, you might be a person that gets touched by that experience but you may not be.  I love helping people heal emotionally so when I am helping someone with their emotional wounds, I am inspired. But for you, it might be teaching someone how to paint, play music, play baseball.  Whatever it is that you like teaching or helping people do, do that.
  6. Get a breakup coach
    1. If you’re having a hard time doing it alone, hire a breakup coach(life coach who specializes in healing heartbreaks) so that you can actively work on healing yourself.

Finally, what you need to know is that it is up to you, how long the lonely period lasts or how fast you heal.  Be patient with yourself as you move up and down through the emotional roller coasters and know that if you do the right type of work, you will gain powerful stuff from this lonely experience after a heartbreak.

Things you can do to be better than happy during the coronavirus lockdown

| Nancy

The Coronavirus lockdown has been stressful for a lot of people.  It has caused them to feel afraid for the future and frustrated with what they cannot do right now.  Some even have to deal with feelings of loneliness. None of us asked for this condition and you have the right to feel the negative feelings that you do.  While that is true if there is a way for you to experience something different, would you do whatever it takes to experience better feelings than you feel right now?  I am guessing yes. No one wants to feel bad and everyone would like to feel better.  

Let me tell you a story about a man who was captured during the vietnam war, tortured for over 7 years as the prisoner of war and he used a philosophy to not only deal with the torturous prison but also to guide his men through it as well.  He used Stoicism. It is a philosophy that comes in very handy for use during stressful times as well as being a great guide for happiness in life.

Using Stoicism, I would like to guide you through a few questions and reveal to you what you can do afterwards.  Have three pages of papers ready. Or you could do this on the computer.

First, make a list of things that are happening that you do not like, because of this coronavirus lockdown?

It might go something like this:

  1. Cannot go anywhere.
  2. Can not go to work.
  3. Live in a small place but cannot go outside.
  4. Have less money now and am afraid of running out.
  5. Gaining weight sitting at home and eating.
  6. Feeling stir crazy
  7. Feeling lonely

Then create two headings:

  1. Things that you have no power to control
  2. Things that you have the power to control.

Take all items listed in your original list and put them in the appropriate category.  They might look something like these.

  1. Things that you have no power to control
    1. Cannot go anywhere
    2. Cannot go to work
  1. Things that you have the power to control
    1. Afraid of running out of money
    2. Gaining weight
    3. Feeling stir crazy
    4. Feeling lonely

According to Stoic philosophy, we should take focus off the list 1 and focus all our attention on list 2.  A Stoic would believe the list 1 is a waste of your time and it is foolish to waste time.

Next, below each item, write down all the actions steps that you can take to solve the problem.

  1. Afraid of running out of money
    1. Make money online
    2. Conserve spending
  1. Gaining weight
    1. Exercise
    2. Eat to lose weight
  2. Feeling stir crazy
    1. Learn a new skill
    2. Work on a creative project
    3. Join and start a zoom group
  3. Feeling lonely
    1. Join and start a zoom group
    2. Find ways that you can help people online
    3. Work on your passion-ed project/If you don’t know what that is, then work on finding it

Once you have made the list and wrote out what you could do about each of the issues, you then can take action steps that you have listed.

Taking those action steps can be very powerful.

Mother Teresa was quoted in saying, “We can do hard.”  We can do hard.