If you have been in a narcissistic abusive relationship or any other kind of abusive relationship, and you have been on a difficult healing journey this blog is for you.
Maybe you wonder why the full healing takes so long, or you wonder if you can ever fully heal because you still experience pain from that past and many in support groups that you belong to also seem to be eluded by real and permanent healing themselves.
The reason for the difficulty is that many do not know how a real change and healing really must take place. Many do not think true healing is possible for them. Many focus on things that they do not have power to change which takes focus off of the areas that they actually have the power to change thereby halting their real and true change. When you are focusing on what is outside of your control it is waiting for the condition outside of you to change.
When you are looking for change to take place on the outside of you, what you do not have control over, you are not going to focus on the areas of your life that you actually have the power to affect real change. By moving your focus beyond what might be happening to you to what you could do to change your life is the only powerful way to change your life and heal yourself.
The way to heal best possible way is to expand the focus beyond injuries, the pain and the self while taking actions to build new empowered emotional habits along the path that is about being a part of something that is greater than the self.
Even if the relationship was bad and it did not give you what you needed, all breakups are often very difficult. It is the end of a dream you shared. It is the end of how your life has been with that person. It is the end of what you’ve grown used to and felt comfort in. It feels like the end of your world and feels like it because it truly is an end of one world, the world that you had been a part of with that person. With all of that there also is the biological instinct that we all still have from our cavemen days when belonging to a group meant survival, so separating from your partner brings up those old feelings of fear that feels like fear of death.
Here is the thing.
Even though you might feel like there is no end to this pain and if you do feel that way, you just joined the whole of the population of the human race who has gone through it. Many are going through it somewhere out there on this earth. But if you might be forgetting something. Unless this is your very first heartbreak, you know that you will get over it and you will have a chance at a new life again. In the meanwhile, let me share with you a few things that you could do to make your journey maybe just a little smoother and make it worthy of your time If you can learn something from this journey, you will certainly be better off for it.
First and foremost, do not indulge in any criticism of whatever pains that you might feel and whatever thoughts you are having. This is a time of self compassion, self empathy and self understanding and an unconditional self love. Realize that everything that you are feeling is a normal human reaction. It is also a very normal stage of grieving that you are going through so just allow yourself the room to feel and don’t let yourself judge it in any shape or form. Just simply give yourself compassion and love.
You must keep up the constant focus on self compassion during this time. You cannot do too much of that.
Second, focusing on self care is very beneficial. It is a must. It is something I strongly encourage my broken heart healing coaching clients as a foundation of our healing work together. It is that important and that beneficial.
Self care practice to remember are:
Exercise first thing in the morning every day to get your day started empowered.
Drink plenty of water
Eat plenty of proteins and fresh vegetables and fruit (Eat nutrient-rich, unprocessed foods)
Do something that makes your heart smile, for me that is singing & drawing
Avoid Alcohol during this pivotal time because it will make you feel chemically depressed the next day
Next is Self-reflection work. It is best to refrain from thinking about why your ex did anything or why your ex is anything. There is nothing you can do about your ex or why they are the way they are or why they did what they did. Those thoughts are a waste of your time and energy.
What you must focus on is why you stayed with an abusive person and what you must work on in yourself to grow and heal so that you do not enter a relationship like that one again.
