Author: Nancy
How to stop worrying (how to deal with anxiety)
The Narcissist’s Discard
How to fight depression
Martin Seligman, the author of “Flourish” tells us that there are three things missing in the mind of a depressed person, the very three things that are commonly in the minds of people who are happy. The three things are 1) doing something that brings you joy, 2) doing something that makes you experience engagement, and 3) doing something that gives you meaning.
How to stop being a Codependent
Your codependency robs you of your best possible life.
Codependency holds you back from your full potential in every way. It infects your self-perception and shackles you to others, leaving you incapable of addressing your own emotional needs. It disables your ability to discover who you truly are and what you are truly capable of, keeping you from becoming the best possible version of you.
You can read more here.
Why your mindset is important for healing from Narcissist abuse or any other abuse
According to Carol S. Dweck, the author of “Mindset”, tells us that there are two mindsets that affect our ability to succeed in healing from painful situations as well as accomplishing great things in our lives.
- Fixed mindset
- Believes your abilities are inborn and not improvable
- Believe healing may not be possible and does not look for ways to heal and be happy
- Believe failure is the end and will not try again or will not try if there is a chance at a failure
- Cares more about how things look than the experiences
- Growth mindset
- Believes that challenges or pain can be resolved by looking for away
- They look inwards as well as their circumstances to see how they could participate in improving it
- When there is any kind of failure, they know that they need to keep working at it to find success at what they are doing
- Always looks for a solution
How to be happy and successful after narcissistic abuse
Making life work well depends hugely on where we place our focus. Healing and becoming happy also depends hugely on where we place our focus. A simple idea, focus on what you have the power to control instead of focusing on what you have no power to control.
If you apply that principle to becoming happy after an abusive relationship is over, the following are things that you have no control over and you need to stop focusing on them.
- Trying to understand your abuser
- Thinking why they did what they did to you
- Trying to figure out how long the pain will last
- Thinking and wondering about what your ex is doing
- Trying to figure out why your ex narcissist is doing anything at all with their lives.
What to focus on if you want to be move on, heal and be truly happy
- Think about and take action on good self-care routine to be loving to yourself
- Think about what areas of your life you need to grow so you do not get into an abusive relationship again
- Think about what brings you joy and do them
- Think about what you need to do so that you can meet your true potential in your life
- Think about the ways that you can learn and practice unconditional self-compassion
- Think about the ways that you can learn and practice unconditional self-acceptance
Obstacle is the way, by Ryan Holiday
The types of books I love have the following attributes
- I love learning something new
- Inspires me to see possibilities
- Learn life skills that help me become a better version of myself
- Empowers me
- I gain new insight into human nature
- Learn about other great books
“Obstacle is the way” has all of the attributes that I love about books.
- I learned about the many people in history that overcame huge obstacles by never giving up, using disadvantages to empower themselves, doing whatever it took, persevering, moving beyond their egos, never stopping moving, and focusing on the process instead of their egos.
- I was and am inspired to look for ways to tackle what has been a challenge for me in my life
- Focusing on new ways of looking at my challenges teaches me new life skills that will help me be better equipped for my current project and my future projects.
- Reminder to not waste time
- I am reminded that human possibilities are beyond what we can imagine
- To never give up
- To keep moving
- Focusing on the process and not the result which actually helps you succeed better because your aim is to learn, grow and do your best
I love the phrase, “love obstacles.” I cannot imagine a life of less than what you can possibly be when you are in the mode of loving obstacles. Life has them. We can either succumb to them, or resent them or fear them, or we can use them to fuel our growth, fuel our strengths and fuel our successful outcome.
How to win the game your narcissist ex plays
“The best revenge is to never be like them” — Marcus Aurelius
Narcissists are well known for their ability to play mind games, gaslighting you by expertly managing to get you to blame yourself for what they did wrong and pouring on you, word salad that ends up successfully confusing you. You being a person who expects the other person to talk fair, can easily get roped into the endless arguments and end up feeling exhausted and helpless afterward.
If you have been struggling with a narcissist ex who gets you roped into this type of mental game and you have been losing(everybody does), then read on.
We’ve all done it. We have all had arguments with unreasonable people who cannot and will not argue fairly. Narcissists are not just trying to win an argument. Their goal is to put you off balance where you will emotionally fall on your face. They enjoy the game of making you feel at your worst. They feel empowered when they are able to do that to you. That is their end goal. There is only one way to win such a game. It is to not play. You not only lose the game every time, but you also lose something far more precious: your time and your energy.
The following are the ways that you win at the game that your narcissist ex plays. By doing the following, you will also win your best life.
- Do not argue with the narcissist ex (You have no control over what they think or say or do. You will waste your time and energy)
- Don’t try to prove them wrong or set them straight.
- Don’t try to get them to understand you.
- Don’t try to understand them.
- Don’t try to figure out why or what they are saying or why or what they are doing.
- Don’t put weight on anything and everything that they say or do.
- Put your focus and energy on your life (things that are worthy of your time, effort and energy)
- Who you are being
- Your life’s work
- Your self-care
- Your growth
- Your happiness
- Your goals in life
- Getting to know yourself
By refusing to play their games, you are choosing you and by choosing you, you win every time!
How to move beyond the injuries from narcissistic abuse
If you have been in a narcissistic abusive relationship or any other kind of abusive relationship, and you have been on a difficult healing journey this blog is for you.
Maybe you wonder why the full healing takes so long, or you wonder if you can ever fully heal because you still experience pain from that past and many in support groups that you belong to also seem to be eluded by real and permanent healing themselves.
The reason for the difficulty is that many do not know how a real change and healing really must take place. Many do not think true healing is possible for them. Many focus on things that they do not have power to change which takes focus off of the areas that they actually have the power to change thereby halting their real and true change. When you are focusing on what is outside of your control it is waiting for the condition outside of you to change.
When you are looking for change to take place on the outside of you, what you do not have control over, you are not going to focus on the areas of your life that you actually have the power to affect real change. By moving your focus beyond what might be happening to you to what you could do to change your life is the only powerful way to change your life and heal yourself.
The way to heal best possible way is to expand the focus beyond injuries, the pain and the self while taking actions to build new empowered emotional habits along the path that is about being a part of something that is greater than the self.