When you free yourself from your problems’ real culprit, you will be free of the issues.
When you get rid of what or who is pulling strings to your unhappiness and pain, you have a real chance to be happy.
If what is pulling the strings of the loneliness you have been experiencing is expunged from your life, you will no longer experience the loneliness for too long.
As I mentioned before, what’s causing your loneliness is not being alone. The pain you are experiencing is not coming from those things you think, but they are coming from within you. Those feelings that you are having are not out of your control. You have all the power in the world over the emotions that you experience, loneliness included. You exert that power by first knowing you have it, then learning how to get free of what weighs you down, strengthening the muscles you have forgotten, and then using those very muscles to be the boss of your emotional life, including loneliness.
1) When you come to believe you are lovable,
When you have come to know that you are lovable, you will no longer allow people who are less than well-intentioned to remain in your inner circle of life. Your heart now knows what your head had known or suspected all along. You don’t dwell in unnecessary feelings of guilt and trust your decisions and desires, and are in a regular practice of following those inner instructions. Your second nature is to trust yourself with love, kindness, and self-compassion. Your subconscious mind is your best friend, not your foe.
You will give of yourself and your loyalty to those who genuinely deserve you and your dedication.
You will emanate a definite sense of self, attract your like, and welcome those positive, reliable selves into your life. This will reinforce your subconscious and conscious mind the realness, the valid-ness, and the rightness of true self-love that you feel inside you.
2) When you come to know that you are enough just as you are,
When you see that you are enough, good enough, and valid, you open up your life to the real possibilities of life.
You will not dwell in insecurities or think or feel negative judgments of yourself in comparison to others.
You will be in charge of your emotions and become self-aware and open to be curious about the emotional and spiritual atmosphere around you, close and far.
Bullies will lose its power in your life.
You begin genuinely winning at life, competing against you with a team and allies who are also you.
Nothing holds you back emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
3) When you begin to connect to yourself and your world,
You become aware of your needs and wants and get into a regular practice of meeting them and enjoy the sense of calm, peace, and joy.
You move through your time and space with calm courage and allowance of wonder and possibility. You become tuned into your creativity and oneness.
You realize that you belong.
4) When you become free from a negative mindset and victim mindset,
You become the boss of your life.
You no longer have reasons to feel miserable about things that you do not have control over. You focus on what you have the power to control, and that practice deepens your self-empowerment.
The remarkable aspect of having this “hero’s mindset” is that having real power over your life is habit-forming. You will naturally take on more and more of your hero’s ways.
You become addicted to working on making things that you want to happen.
You see life’s games and become addicted to the thrill of solving the riddles and tackling the game and winning.
5) When you are living your purpose, doing your life’s work,
When you are on your life’s path, acting on your passion, making a positive difference in the world, as we are all meant to do, you are living the truest and happiest life.
Your life will be filled with passion and creativity. You will experience the state of flow.
You are doing and living a life that you were born to live, and with it, you have arrived at who you are supposed to be.
When you are whole, when you are in the state of being the best version of yourself, life becomes boundless. You manifest and create things that you desire with ease. You are in an optimal state and flow through life with ease.
You will look to an outsider as if you have the Midas touch in all things, and it is because you are whole and therefore have the excess to the best version of everything that is you in this universe.
Your relationships, career, health, success, joy, happiness, and everything will be at their best because you are the best version of yourself.
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In the next blog, I will discuss with you just how you could overcome loneliness.
This blog, “How to Overcome Loneliness, part 2”, is the second part of the eight-part series to help you overcome loneliness. If you have not read the first one, please read that blog and then come back to this one.
If you don’t resolve the causes of the loneliness, you will continue to experience negative emotions that come with them. You will also remain stuck in adverse living conditions. You have had those negative conditions for so long that you don’t know how much happier you would be without them, making you miss out on being your full potential self. That means that you will continue to miss out on your true fulfillment. You will also miss out on your best possible life: the Happiness Formula.
The following are the main culprits:
1) You believe you are not lovable.
When you continue to believe you are not lovable, you will continue to allow people who are less than loving to you, confirming your already held belief that you are not. Your head knows better. You even feel guilty and foolish for putting up with people who treat you less than okay. You feel bad about the fact that you don’t treat yourself well. But as long as you do not “KNOW” in your heart, in your subconscious mind that you are, you will continue to believe that you are not, and you will not feel lovable. And when you don’t feel lovable, your less-than-self-loving-you will continue to allow those people to get into your life and remain there in the comfort of discomfort.
You will continue to feel obligated and dutiful toward those who bring you much more unhappiness than happiness by treating you in far less than kind and loving manner as they do not value you. Since you agree with those people about your value(knowingly or unknowingly), you cannot see that you deserve better.
You will continue to prematurely reject yourself from potentially positive and beneficial relationships by not entering new ones or leaving them too early avoiding potentially good and loving relationships. Doing that makes it difficult for you to truly learn how to overcome loneliness.
2) You feel not good enough, and not enough
If you don’t gain the knowledge that you are good enough, that you are enough just as you are, you will continue to downgrade yourself in too many ways.
You will continue to be prone to feeling insecure and less than others.
Others will find you overreacting to things that they do or say. You will continue to give power to others to hurt you, whether they meant to hurt you or don’t mean to hurt you.
Bullies in your life will continue to have too much power over you. Your belief that you are not enough will continue to win out and keep you under the thumb of oppressive insecurities.
You will continue to hold yourself back from trying things that will stretch and grow you and help you reach emotional, spiritual, and financial success in the way that would feed your life.
3) If you continue to stay disconnected
Not knowing who you really are, your needs, and what your wants are, you will not really know what it means for you to be happy.
You will continue to feel disconnected from your spiritual self. How could you reach for spiritual connection when you don’t even have your basic connection needs met by being in touch with your core self. How could you gain skills as to how to overcome loneliness, if you do not learn how to connect?
4) You have a negative mindset
You will continue to see life through powerfully unhealthy perspectives of thinking and feeling that most things go wrong for you.
You will spend too much of your time feeling miserable and untrusting of people, even those who may deserve your trust. Trustworthy good people will continue to leave your life feeling unseen and unappreciated leaving behind plenty of those who are not reliable and not good-intentioned, leading you to unhappy connections in your life.
The problem with this mindset is that it is very addictive. It isn’t that you are addicted to good feelings, but you become addicted to negative anxiety ridden bad feelings that lead to stress and suffering.
Your brain becomes normalized by them, and it becomes an easy ride down path, sliding lower and lower in negative states which then creates more profound and deeper roots of negative thinking and feeling habits.
This whole pattern of life is very easy to remain in if you do not change from it.
5) You are continuing not to live your purpose, not doing your life’s work.
If you are not on your life’s path, you will continue to miss out on the real fulfillment that living your purpose gives you.
There will be a deep sense of emptiness inside you, confirming the less than good feelings and esteem that you have about yourself.
You will continue to miss out on the joy that self-fulfillment can only provide. You are born to experience it. Without it, you will have a massive void in its place.
6) Not feeling whole; not being your best you.
If you continue not to feel whole, that continues to manifest adverse outcomes in all areas of your life.
Your life will remain less quality than you would want. Your relationships, career, health, success, joy, happiness, and everything will be less than you can ever want for your life.
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In the next blog, I will discuss all the benefits you will gain by freeing yourself from the causes of loneliness.
It is crucial to know the cause, the correct cause of a problem, any problem if you desire to solve and resolve it truly.
It is, of course, true that you want to resolve your problems. Everyone wants that.
It is also true that we often focus our attention on the wrong area of the problems as it then continues to persist. We focus on the symptoms, the reactions to the symptoms, and the results of them.
We desperately want the symptoms and reactions to the symptoms to go away. We try and try to make them disappear to no avail. We then give up or give in to the idea that we are going to just have to live with them, the problems.
Giving up and giving in then puts us on a path to a victim mindset, depressions, anxiety, failure leading to unhappiness.
No! This is not for us. This is not for you. You know this, and that is why you are reading this.
Onward!
Where was I? Oh, yes, we are talking about the importance of focusing on the right area of a problem if we want to correctly and virtually eliminate the problem.
The right area to focus your attention on to get rid of a problem is to focus on figuring out the cause of the problem.
It sounds simple, and it is simple.
What’s exciting about tackling the cause is that the very cause of your current problem or pain has been and will continue to affect many other areas of your life powerfully. And as you discover that, you will be even more glad that you tackled the cause of your problem.
So there are more than enough reasons to truly find the true cause and attack them to rid your life of things and conditions that you do not like or may even hate in your life.
The causes of loneliness in your life are very likely causing other problems in your life as well. You have more than one good reasons to tackle the cause of the loneliness that is causing unhappiness in your life.
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It is a common belief that human beings are hardwired to connect. That appears to be true.
We human beings indeed find joy in deep connection with other human beings. It is one of the most influential and beautiful things, human connections. Human relationships can inspire, create, and heal most amazingly and beautifully.
It is, however, not true that being alone is the primary cause of loneliness. It is an association(correlation), not causation.
Being alone can cause you to feel lonely if you have been alone for an excessive amount of time. In those cases, the simple solution is to put yourself in a situation where you are with people or around people, and doing that is not difficult. Just put yourself in a social situation.
Most of the time, however, loneliness is not caused by being alone. If you are lonely because you have spent too much time alone, yet have refused to do something about it, ask yourself the question, why have you not done something about spending time with others?
When you see the answer to that question, you begin to see some of the potential causes. Some of your answers might be:
Insecurity
Not feeling wanted
You do not feel that people will like you.
Depression
You are bothered by the imperfections of others.
If you choose to be alone because it makes you happy, then you are not lonely in the first place.
If you have spent too long a time alone and feel that you are powerless to change it, that powerlessness itself indicates a problem of perception and not a true representation of how things exist in your life.
Much of the time, the cause of the loneliness is something other than being alone. You think that being alone causes feelings of loneliness because when you are alone, the feelings you have been distracted from resurface. Those feelings show up in front of you when the disappearance of the distractions of other people’s presence unearth the emotional pains you had.
Some Buddist monks spend most of their time alone in meditation and do not experience loneliness. They are joyful and ready to be useful to the world when they keep their meditation practice going.
As we can find true joy in connecting and sharing with other human beings, it is also just as true that we can find joy and connecting while not being in the presence of other human beings.
Loneliness cannot be caused by being alone.
Trying to stop loneliness by surrounding yourself with people only deepens the problem because it is avoided and masked by temporary solutions.
It’s like having a cut and giving yourself novocaine shots to not feel the pain while ignoring the cut wound that needs stitching and medicine and cleaning to get rid of germs and to heal the wound.
If you don’t heal the cause of your pain, physical, emotional, and even spiritual, your injury can become a bigger problem in your future. They most often do.
There is every reason to look for and find the real cause of any and all problems.
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Following are the core things that are causing the deep loneliness inside you.
1) You feel unlovable
Because you believe that you are not lovable, you will always be ready and vigilant for signs and warnings that confirm your belief. You see them everywhere, even if they are not true. And because you see them everywhere and believe you always get rejected, you create and produce those situations. You remove yourself prematurely, or you will cause others to reject you by dismissing them. You are likely acting negatively or not even giving anyone a chance to leave you or love you by avoiding social situations that will offer you a chance to experience rejection and miss out on love and connection.
2) You feel not good enough, and you are not enough
You believe something is lacking about you
You always feel less than others, no matter who they are. You look for ways that they are better than you or you are less than them. You compare yourself unrealistically and unfairly, where you always end up with an answer in your mind that they are better than you.
In your mind, you are a loser.
Nothing that you do is good enough.
You don’t feel that you deserve to belong anywhere.
3 You are disconnected
You are not genuinely in touch with yourself. You are in the habit of ignoring your needs, wants, and wellbeing.
You do not feel genuine connections to people in your life. You don’t connect emotionally with others in ways that are emotionally satisfying.
You do not feel spiritually disconnected. Whatever your spiritual beliefs are, you are feeling unhelped, uncared for, and unsupported.
4 You have a negative mindset
Victim mindset
You feel like everything goes wrong for you.
You feel like everyone is against you.
You feel like life is against you.
You often wonder, “Why me? Why is this happening to me? ”
You feel like the Universe is against you.
You could feel like you are doomed.
You could feel like you are stuck.
You could feel like life is hard.
You could feel hopeless.
You could feel like a victim of life and victim, period.
You could feel like life is not in your control and often experience depression.
You could feel like you just want to escape those feelings and decide to use alcohol or other substances to feel better. These substances then change the physical chemistry that can put you deeper into bad moods and depressions.
When you have a victim mindset, you become self-focused. It is truly a lonely existence, even if you don’t know that you are.
Bully mindset
You feel like everything will go wrong for you unless you bully to get what you want.
You feel like everyone is against you, so it is ok if you hurt them.
You feel like life is against you, so you take what you can get.
You often wonder, “Why me?” even when you are the one that caused the unfavorable situation to happen.
You feel like the Universe is against you.
You could feel like you have to beat anyone and everyone so that you are not doomed.
You could feel like a victim unless you are on top.
You feel like you have to take control, so you win.
When you are a bully-mindset, you are self-focused. It is truly a lonely existence, even if you don’t know that you are.
You feel like the only way to make good things happen for yourself is by taking what you want no matter the cost. You have to win at all costs. There are only winners and losers in your world.
5 You are not living your purpose (doing your life’s work)
Suppose you are not doing something that you believe in, something that calls to you, something that is meaningful to you beyond measure, something that is your way of contributing to making this world a better place. In that case, you will look for substitution in other ways that only make you feel emptier, as if you are drinking seawater to quench your thirst. You cannot be your best self or your whole self when you are not connected to what it is that you are here to do. That empty feeling will make you feel lonely even if you are surrounded by people.
6 Not feeling whole(not your best you)
When you are not feeling lovable, not feeling good enough, are disconnected from your spiritual self, negative mindsets dominate your mind, and you are not living your purpose, you are not your best version of yourself. You are not your whole self. And in that state, you are going to be dominated by feelings of loneliness.
When you closely examine the real reasons you are feeling lonely, you can see that you can change the painful condition in your life. You can see now that you and only you can help you free from it so that you can find your true happiness.
Next week, I will go over with you the consequence of not working to free yourself from the problem of loneliness.
Loneliness can cause everything from depression to heart problems. One out of three suffers from this condition. Some even consider it a pandemic of a kind.
Recently I was told that my ex has been making up outrageous stories about me to his family and his friends. At first it bothered me because I actually like those people.
If this had happened to me even just about 3 years ago, I would be on the phone fighting with him about what he is doing and perhaps even contacting people that he is telling lies to and tell my side of the story.
I find myself having really no interest in defending myself, even though I don’t want them to think badly about me.
After a brief moment of unsettling feeling in me, perhaps even a bit worried, I talked myself through what I already know, that all that he says and perhaps even gotten himself to believe the things that he is saying to people, there is nothing that I could do about it and ultemiately what anyone thinks about me does not matter.
The reason why what he is doing and what people might believe about me is not important is because:
No matter what they think of me, what they think of me does not reflect on who I truly am
What he is saying, making up, what he may even have come to believe does not say anything at all about me.
What he says, how often, and to who he says, is completely out of my control and there is nothing that I can do about any of it.
What I do have control over are what I am doing with my life, the work that is in front of me, and how I process what he is doing whether it hurts me or does not hurt me.
If I allow what he is doing to hurt me, that is just what it is I would be allowing what a delusional person is doing to save his face.
I do not need to participate in his drama and in fact, if I did, I would be wrestling with a pig and getting dirty.
Check out my video below to learn more about this topic.
